Ill try to keep this brief but i am a white male dating a bahun Nepali woman who has advised many times that her parents opinion does not matter and she will date who she pleases. My concern is her family seems to be extremely influential and mainly her mother seems to want her to marry into the same caste, i am aware it will be difficult but is there anything i can do to help things go more smoothly with her family?
Edit: We are both abroad, but she does have some family that live here
Edit 2: I should mention i do have a fair amount of piercings and tattoos so i don’t exactly look like an upstanding citizen
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Tell them you are a prince
kuire jwai namaste🫶🏻
Most Nepali parents are like those grumpy dads who never want pets but once you get them they end up loving them the most.
What you have to realize is her parents come from a time and place where dating someone foreign was unheard of, so it will take time for them to adjust and realize that their childs happiness is what matters. Plus the fact that their child is living abroad and they are okay with that clearly means they are really not that stuck in their own ways.
I am a western guy and I married a Nepali woman who had lived abroad. I got lucky with her family being very warm and welcoming, but my advice is to make an effort to do important things their way. I flew around the world so I could ask their permission to marry her cause I knew that would be important to them.
Marry her and give them grand children and they will melt like butter. But off course if it’s just dating for now, I don’t think you can do much about it. If you talk to them just be nice. Also, they are from totally different Era so don’t expect modern thinking from them.
Usually it’s not an issue if you live abroad. I know many people that have moved abroad because of inter caste issues.
I am a foreigner and my bf is Newari. His parents will not allow him to get married to me as I am not in the same caste, they are so strict that only allow to marry a Newari girl. He has no other option than to give up on me. Somehow he is afraid to persuade his family. I have been suffering. So I hope you can make it to be together with her.
are you in nepal or abroad??
There’s not much you can do. It’s up to your girlfriend how she approaches her parents and convinces them.
Yeah, if the time ever comes to meet her parents, lose them piercing and cover your tattoos.
This will be tough. Specially for her.
Choose her if she is worth it. But be ready because Nepalese are communal people so she might need you in different ways.
namaste juwai saab
Remove piercing and tattoos maybe that will work 😂
Ngl, you should be okay the amount of Nepali parents that are okay with their daughter marrying “white male” just tell her to let her parent know at first they will argue but they will accept it trust me, long as the parent are not heavy religious, they are okay with marrying white guy than different Nepali caste :l
sure u can leave. ik its tough even though your problem is only exclusively about caste. you wouldnt be wrong to just for that reason. Nepalese parents are just overly pedantic, hard to reason with and not very culturally open to other parts of the world. ive been here but the other way around. M dating F. but if she’s worth it continue because i did and its good now. been 6 years. we are happy.
You will have to convince her parents that u will marry her not just date. Also tell them u don’t need dowry 😉
Based on how you describe her opinion, it sounds as if he’s rebelling against her parents to exercise her freedom to the max. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m fully supportive of dating outside of one’s nationality/ethnicity if there’s good compatibility. I’d just advise you to be wary of whether her situation with you has more to do with being a rebel in order to make up for a lifetime of perceived oppression, or she truly is in for the long haul. Wouldn’t want her rebel phase to pass, and your relationship along with it.
One thing u need to know is, Nepalese people try to get their kids to marry in the same caste(bahun-bahun,chhetri-chhetri…) so in the future their daughter wouldn’t have to deal with caste related discriminations that happens often in Nepal. So, u might want to convince ur future mother in law that nothing like that will happen.And if ur gf is coming out of a middle class family,then u might want to make them believe that u are more than capable of taking care of their daughter FINANCIALLY.
Legally change your surname to something ‘Bahunic’ (don’t be a fool and have the same as hers) and tell her mother that you have ancestral roots in Nepal.
Best of luck, you never know about bahun? It’s their saying at the time dating caste doesn’t matter but when comes to marriage it does, especially for bahuns. p.s. I don’t hate bahun I just don’t trust their word/them, I have encountered hypocrisy at its best when it comes to bahun
if you connected that way surely she will be yours so don’t worry about anything and don’t expect any advice from anyone do what your heart says, good luck
Sex is not easy for eastern women as you think, eastern (yellow colored peoples) culture is different than white (You) community, if you feel uneasy and uncomfortable with it.. think before you go further… good luck
Trust me she will leave you. Happens 90% time. Good luck to you my bro
Nah dude, she’s definitely getting arranged marriage in Nepal 😂😂
Say you are a bahun too
Did you have sex with her?
Just say you did or not
Which country are you guys in?
My neighbour went to Europe for higher studies. He married a European while pursuing degree. His parents weren’t happy to hear the message. And he is also bahun. Bhauju (his wife) began to learn Nepali to communicate. After they had first child both of parents were invited to Europe. They found about people in europe and culture so they adjusted mentality. After few months all five of them arrived Nepal. Bhauju liked Nepalese culture and language and parents are okay. They liked the most of European culture. Bhauju now wants to live in Nepal because of some European culture she hated. But brother don’t intend to live in Nepal. They keep travelling Nepal to Europe and Europe to Nepal. Don’t know what their decision will be. But parents are happy with son, daughter in law and grand childs. You need to win heart learning culture, language, hospitality, dos and cons in Nepali culture and your culture too if they like. It is slightly different context but somewhat similar.
What I’m going to say might seem arbitrary, but it comes from experience of living here for years. If you want to know precisely why, just ask.
To counteract what you mentioned at Edit 2 about having piercings and tattoos, just dress up in the most intellectually fancy manner you can. Whatever industry you’re into, make it seem more intellectual than it is.
Take a few philosophy courses and change your religion, specifically to Buddhism. Say a few lines spiced up with philosophical terminology about Buddhism, being a free-thinker and globalism. As Hinduism is quite fragmented, you should also be able to find a few lines off of some religious text that support major Buddhist beliefs as well as newer globalist beliefs.
You won’t change her parents’ mind directly, but they’ll fear you’re more charming to the greater society.
Tell them you have plenty of money 😭