i really apologize in advance for this very long vent.
18F here. i am so scared to even write about this. i really dont know how to put this but im uncomfortable trying to be myself. i feel like i am too simple to fit in and feel like i come off as a boring person. not an introvert or anything, i consider myself as 90% extroverted but i just dont feel like i belong anywhere or dont know where people like me stand or should be going. like i dont do stuffs and keep up with the trends that teenagers these days do. im really having a hard time expressing this because i dont know what situation you call this. i have 2 genuine people who are ‘actual’ friends to me and besides them, others are just people i ‘talk’ to or know at least. not like i struggle approaching people rather there are VERY few people i resonate with. i am not someone who’s fascinated by movies or series or things of that sort nor am actively using social media. i barely even take photos of myself because i dont know, it’s just pointless to me sometimes and there are situations when people show me what they’ve got in their phones, and it gives me particularly unusual feeling when people my age show me photos they’ve taken of themselves and things like that and it’s just soo embarassing when i have nothing to show to them and always have to hit them with the “i am not photogenic haha” which is very awkward and sometimes i feel like people cringe on me for that. same for when i am hanging out with bunch of my girl friends and they’ve got trendy topics to share within themselves and i feel very excluded. not like they ignore me or anything but i just don’t think i have much to bring in to the plate. specially when they start taking group photos or making tiktoks, i instantly withdraw myself because i dont know what to do at that moment. everyone’s vibing and all and here’s me, not hyped up. this is why i dont really hang out with people except for two of my friends. those two were my schoolmates whom im still friends with and since all 3 of us went to different colleges, i particularly had a hard time fitting in. people tried bringing up topics to converse with me ani it was specially about social media stuffs and the kind of movies and series i was interested into. not to mention i don’t even watch movies much except for a particular genre which people don’t really watch. i dont know why the heck i am so simple i mean girls my age they’re all having the time of their life, going out on weekends, dancing, clubbing and all, wearing flashy dresses which is something i want to be doing as well but when it comes to actually doing all that, i feel like i am not made for all that. not like i have a fear of missing out or something but i think i am not the person people really would want to invite when it comes to the idea of ‘having fun’. i see girls my age having so much fun and here’s me who doesn’t even try. i do NOTHING at all. i am here helping my mum with chores and all during weekends while there is everyone out there who’s having so much fun in their life, doing things people of that age generally do. even when it comes to dating and all, i mean i’ve had fair luck with dating and relationships but it’s just that i am very conservative even in this aspect. i’ve even had guys ghosting me because i was not open to the idea of sexting. i have very unusual hobbies as well, i’ve recently gotten into gardening, i journal and i do arts, play with beads, embroideries and all. it was not an issue of concern until i realised i fit in NOWHERE AT ALL. i don’t really find myself boring, i think i am a unique person and i find myself very precious but sometimes, you just want to fit in, you know. it’s ironical how two of my friends are relatively less reserved but i am just so comfortable around them and it’s also not like i should only be hanging out with them and only them because even they have different friend groups besides ours but when it comes to me, ultimately they’re the only people i talk to. some people even jokingly made fun of me for this but i took it personally because that’s how i have exactly always felt but now that they bring that up, i take it as a confirmation and not something i make up in my head. all this may also be because i had a stressful upbringing and i have emotionally abusive parents so i have pretty much been with myself and i myself was the only person i’ve looked upto all these years. i have no idea why i am letting out all this here but i also want to know how common is it to be like this? it’s not like i hate being like this, but as social beings, you gotta socialize because you can’t always be by yourself and we live in a society and i absolutely love the idea of meeting new people. but i just feel like an outsider and i noticed how i am starting to slowly withdraw from people and society because of the same, have come to the point where i feel like it’s embarassing to be me and you can only be a particular somebody to really fit in. not like i am not willing to compromise and step out of my comfort zone to do so, but i just don’t want to be doing all that just for the sake of fitting in.
so what exactly do you call this situation and how common is it to be like this?
if you’re still reading, thank you so much for taking your time to read this.
edit: thank you everyone for taking your time to provide suggestions and expressing concerns. got the answers i needed. i don’t think i can entertain any more suggestions and comments. thank you for stepping by! take care guys.
View on r/Nepal by chocoforest
tl;dr Basically she needs good friends who like her for who she is.
You sometimes have to force yourself in various stuff to have interest in them sunda hawa k bhancha jasto lagcha tara sachhai force garna parcha kura haru try garna man lagdaina not for me to jasto lagcha tara force garne 21 days jasto continuous 10minbhayane ewta kura movies skills j bhayane jabarjasti interest lina khojne ane pachi eh yo kura ho mero lagi baneko jasto lagcha
Didn’t read all but sounded like my own voice.
Chill bro , ma ni tmi jastai ho na kei herxu na kei garxu yesai gana sunxu , life chill xa. Afu huney ho , manparaye parauxan naparaye paraudainan. Just simple xa life Eso uso garo suto , tei ho Kya just maja leu. Afu k ma happy hunxa tyo gara , kei hunu parxa , kei jindagi ma garnai parxa vanne xaina. Afno style ma bachne ho , yetro chinta linai pardaina , jot ko overthinking ho yo. K hunxa vane chi Aru cool jasto lagxa photo haleko yeta uta dekhera Tara reality ma testo kei hudaina dherai jaso manxe haru . Hami jastai hunxa vitra sabai ko tei k k k le yesari nai frustrate garirahunxa.
Aru Lai k cool lagxa thaxaina , but Malai Chei jati nai khatra manxe vayepani , chinta nali chill ma basne manxe is cool.
First of all you don’t have to apologize nor you have to be embarrassed. & never be scared to be your true self. We all are different, there are 8 billion people in this world and each and every one of us is different. Isn’t that what makes us who we are. Just imagine a world full of same people. How would it be like ? Weird ofc.
You are unique, you should be proud of that. And am glad that you aren’t ingulfed by these social norms. What society sees as normal isn’t actually normal. See, our society programs us all since early age to be somebody who we aren’t and to do things that we don’t like. You don’t have to do things that society sees as fun to have fun. Everybody has different meaning of fun, somebody might like drinking, clubbing to have fun whereas somebody might like going into nature for a hike. Both are completely different activities but both are fun activities for certain individuals.
Also, in my opinion this whole trend thing is just stupid and social media affects our mental health a lot. Negatively most of the times. It’s better to stay far from it. I quit social medias in 2019 and it’s one of the best choice I made. My life changed completely for the better.
You don’t have to do what the rest of the world is doing. Don’t be a sheep in a herd. Just be your true self. And don’t feel like you belong nowhere. Cause you belong here – in this planet. This is your world too. This is our world.
Am sorry, I forgot a lot of things as I was writing. Am kinda exhausted right now. But, I can go on and on on this topic. If you’d like we can talk in chats. I can relate to you cause I was the same. I also felt like I didn’t fit in as I didn’t like doing some things the rest of people around me were doing.
I just want you to know that you are unique and that’s what’s special about you. So, don’t be scared and don’t be embarrassed to be yourself.
You remind me of Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. She eventually found out her circle, that appreciated her for who she is. I am sure you will too.
​
p.s. “i’ve recently gotten into gardening, i journal and i do arts, play with beads, embroideries and all.” And this sounds so cool and unique, don’t let yourself down. Keep doing what you appreciate.
Best of Luck
I honestly just see myself here when I was 18 😂. But been through the exact things you have been but I was fortunate enough to get out of it. If you need suggestions do ask, but your first priority is to learn to love your solidarity, your state of mind when you like your own company better than the validation of others. I know it’s gonna be hard AF, it took me 2 years to even get out of it, from trial and error. But in time you will learn, one-step at a time. Learn from others mistakes and god knows how many I did, but you need to know you, the ball of love that you are and should be for yourself ✨.
Do DM if you are comfortable to talk but bruv we here for you.
I can be your friend only.
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Well, I 18M am introverted myself and I dont give a shit about what others might think of me? These are one of the most important years of our life, add some meaningful hobbies and find people with similar interest as you. The things you are talking about are mundane, you have bigger things coming for you in a few years.
Happens to 50% of people that age. Chill
Chin up get an attitude to yourself saying you are better than every other asshole in this world. And Be HUMBLE.
As for friends patience my friend.
You are only 18 chill. Get a hobby.
I was also silent kid till grade 10 and and in 12 i found some wonderful friends. So dont worry. Take it easy. Because you dont know what tommorow might offer.
[This ](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNjpL6V3/) is for the people who don’t think they fit in.
You seem to be doing quite well for yourself. You have found your zone except for the little voice in your head that keeps telling you to fit in. Thr comfort you have found in yourself is what most people find later in life. Some of us round pegs, some square pegs. You do you bruv.
– you’re 18 and you’re doing good!
– guys who ghosted you for not sexting are dicks
– your hobbies are not unusual!!!
– you seem fun to be friends with.
Everyone has different hobbies and interests and it’s fine if you have hobbies that aren’t in common with others. But as you said that you don’t rly want to leave your comfort zone, here i think you should try stepping out of your comfort zone and try new things cause maybe there are things you would love but maybe you haven’t find it yet cause you are still in your zone. (Not for the sake of fitting in but to find more about yourself and your interests) also, I think you should engage more with new people and eventually you’ll find someone who share your interests and match your vibe rather than only really being close and talking to your 2 school friends. Cause tho i hope it doesn’t happen to you but majority of times a schoolfriend group doesn’t really work & didn’t really work for me too. And sometimes they might hold you back from exploring new things (has happened with me). Anyways, if you ever need someone to talk to, my dms are open. take care.
I see from comments that you’ve tried indulging in new interests but haven’t stuck with them. Might I suggest an accountability partner who can help you keep track of your progress in your new thing and motivate you to continue when you want to leave?
I joined Salsa classes for the same reasons. My discipline game is okay so I’m 6 months in, and loving the progress. Plus, I meet new people every time during social events. It’s been awesome for my social life. DM if you need some unofficial counseling.
Don’t do anything to fit in. You are a sensitive soul. Your superficial friends will be replaced by deeper more satisfying friendships as life unfolds. Focus on pursueing your deepest interests. What do you love doing? Be a loner if necessary, read books, explore your inner life, meditate. . . . In the end happiness comes from knowing yourself not from parties. Happiness comes from depth of relationships not superficial sexual encounters. A person who has a crisis when young is healthy. This is supposed to happen. It’s a special opportunity. Read Alan Watt’s “The Wisdom of Insecurity” written for his 18 year old son.
I struggle so much with the same problem. Katai jada eklai janu parxa ki ta jadai janna. Most of the days ghar kai kam garda bitxa. College ma aayera tha paye ani aru kti harulai dekhda aafu kina yesto vako lagna thalyo. Tyo photos ra tiktok part is so relatable. Like mero sab saathi haru banaunxa k ani teti bela ma chai side ma yetikai twaa parera basxu. Vitra man bata kasto banauna man lagxa yetti confidence vayeni huni lagxa. Class ma sab jana ek arka sanga bolne yeta uta hunxa malai mostly koi boldaina since i never approach them first. Guys who liked me also starts ignoring me from the next day, cuz uniharu lai ni realize hunxa hola that i am way to simple not the good type simple but tyo boring type wala. Also dress hru tiktok ma dekhira hunxu kati clothing ta kine pani just so i could fit in with the new society but lagayera hidn3 himmat kaile aayena. Mirror ma herera arko time bahira jada yo hairstyle garxu tyo garxu vanera sochxu tara last ma kaile himmat aayena. Saathi banainxa ani dui din paxi teti kasaile interest nai dekhaudaina bolna. Aawaz ni sano kasaile nasunne ho ki k. Comfort vayepaxi bolxu tara comfortable huna nai time lagxa. Aru le snap ma photo haru pathako, insta ma haleko dekhda mero life kina testo hudaina vanera matrai soch aauxa.
Aafai enjoy garxu vanera basya xu but sometimes yeti garo hunxa ni aruko life kasto aafno kasto.
I guess some of us are really not made for this.Jati try gareni kina nasakya k? Yesto garo kina fit in huna lai. Malai pani ta normal manxe jasari enjoy garna man xa kina nasakya teti pani 😓
you wont fit anywhere else if you cant fit yourself within yourself. You just havent found your people yet and thats ok. I mean you are only 18, i was a solo at that age too. it felt like i was not the same age mentally with my friends. A small circle with quality is better for me than quantity. I used to try and fit in but i knew it was wrong. Now i know a few people who care is enough.
Also dont mind but your generaion truly sucks. The superficiality and marginalization social media has created is depressing . I miss the dashain I used to have, the joy , the get-togethers. celebrations nowadays are so tasteless. everything is just tiktok and instagram
1.Do not ruin yourself trying to fit in with others.
2. Being who you are, enjoying time with yourself which people learn when they got hit by mid life crisis. You already learning these.
3. Clubbing, watching movies and series, sexting, flashy clothes etc doesnot nessarily needs to be fun. Reading books, knitting, beading, journal, arts, gardening, doing chores, spending time with family etc is more relaxing, comfort and theraupetical. Do what you love until it hurts other or it hurts you.
4. ” i’ve even had guys ghosting me because i was not open to the idea of sexting. ”
Most teenagers these days have nothing in their mind except sexual thoughts and desire. And its not their problem, the whole society has normalized this. Your luck you didnot end up in wrong hand.
5. You donot need alot of people to be friends to enjoy and have fun. Even one who is caring, flexible, understandable is enough.
6. Take your time you will find someone who is supposed to be with you. Donot hurry and try to fit in with other. This will just ruin you at the end.
7. Also to feel this at your age is normal. Just don’t fall in wrong influence. You are doing good. Keep it up.
8. Pro tip: accept who you are the nothing will matter and stop you.
9. If you are able to socialize when you need to socialize then it enought. Aru be eso “ahh k chha yarr” “hi” “bye” bhandiye pugcha cause no one matters at the end of the day except your family and those who sends you notes, assignment, and who accepts your cringe side.
10. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLAUvQuFStc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLAUvQuFStc)
LOL! maile ta jj aayo dimag mas lekdiye 10 marks ko case study jasto. Majj aayyo.
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It`s alright, find yourself , be yourself
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I’ll be straight as f.
I middle finger all these craps, friends and hobbies, etc and tc.
You’re just 18, if I recall correctly everyone goes with the same feeling, not everyone I guess but at least I did.
The feeling that you’re outcast, not fitting with them and that, trust me you’ll not regret your true self later on.
The more you grow the older, more you’ll realize.
yah , I also fell I’m unfit for this physical society but I feel it good. I’m never out of my room except college days and I always prefer a mask out of home. I spend time in learning tech stuffs, programming and hacking. May you find your passion soon.
Dang, this feels so relatable. Good post
You just need to find something you love doing by yourself. For me it is watching movies, anime or series alone. But as a introverted person that’s easy to say. Don’t worry about having few friends, quality over quantity.
W kid
this is very relatable lol…. what I can say here is that you’re definitely not alone in this
Just be yourself. Dont change yourself for the sake of this world, Dont be afraid to be judged by others it this worlds nature, plus be happy with those friends you have , even i personally have just 2 close friends This is going to be long and dont know why am mention this but if you go through this then it was all worth my time(See i was in hostel from class 5 to 10 Budhanilkatha school to be precise. See its a living nightmare and hell for the weaker ones those who are shojo(innocent). even though i was physically tough and not been able to bulled but i was harassed mentally everyday you know all those nick names and back biting and teasing indirectly removing you from friends group, activites even in the online class was an target ani am personally that good student at studies am an average student there were only few who would support me and not tease me or anything. see sometimes i would mind it and some time would not as in hostel. you are pretty much in closed environment so where ever you go you will find the ones those who hate you for no reason and make you as their target even teachers would not do anything case few from their group are good at studies and for no reason teacher like them or just dont do anything so for me if it werent for those few poeple i would not have survived that hell i got few friends who are really close and 2 of them they are my brothers from another mother. now am outside of that hell and struggling to make new friends just like in you case our intreast does not match at all. they like to go to pub, drink , smoke this that that kind of stuff never intrested me also am happy even though i got few friends outside but i am regualr contact only those 2 friends from hostel they both are still in BNKS) See i never changed my self for the sake of this cruel world or society if i want to go out i just go for a short walk or just talk with friend in chat and doing well. Also its great to have unique hobby and habbit. plus focus on your studies not this world who judge you in every moment of you life. just have a good realtion with your family. Its ok to be not included in plans from and not being called to gathering and stuff. at last its only those 2 friends who will be with you till the end try to make you bond stronger with them also dont have second thought about suicide and stuff hurting yourself try to aquire new skills in the mean time that can be useful in life or add skill to you, Like coding or reading new books. plus books can be a great way to get away from this world. Also try to bond with the nature you start to love it more than anything, try stargazing, watching the moon in the night all alone with your fav song playing softly i presonally love to do that when ever am down so yaa i might now given exact answer to your question but it felt great typing this. Also i got exam tommorrow so there might be a lot of gramatical errors so enjoy them incase you read till here thanks. Enjoy your dashain.
been so for 25 years now and i am doign fine. You will do great, dont worry 🙂
that gif of lego holding flowers………if you get what i mean
–>She doding every embrassing moment
Me trying to figure out when she was embrassed
-not Sexting makes you dammm sexyy ..yk😉
-Having hobby like gardening….. SMH… too sexy
-being oneself and not being manipulated by social media imitations ….. Ufff tooo sexy
-doing chores and helping mom (NOW A DAYS NO ONE FUCKING DOES that and they think that’s burden and pointless ,useless aru k k ho 🚩🚩)
Thaxa mero mummy ley ….. Heer chora aachkal ko kt ko var parna hunna 😂😂pakauna khana sikni vanyeko aafu ley aafnai lagi ho …..tei vayera pakauna parxa vannu hunxa
Ani ma mummy sangai (almost daily ) kam garxau
Tara belka ma hai bihana ta ma sutya sutai hunxu yar 😂
Are you good at empathising with others? People think that empathising with others makes you more likeable or more approachable. And to stand out in a crowd, sometimes they tend to act as if they are good in it. But the moment you set out to be more empathic is the moment it becomes a chore. This will make your tendency to empathising more less and less. It will be decreasing. So, it’s good and normal not to fake interest in things you’re not interested in. It’s about comfort. You are normal it’s the other people who want to stand out, and people in this generation tend to be more active in social media. Not all but the majority of youngsters these days go after the trend and we call this “normal”. But not catching up with the trend is completely normal. I can literally understand what you’re trying to say. A lot of my perspective changed after reading a book called “I want to die, but I want to eat tteokbokki.” Will definitely recommend it to you. Read it once when you have time.
Are you hot and single op ? If yes dm me 🙂 If not idk what you wrote here (tldr) but do what makes you feel like yourself and you’ll attract people that like that version of “you”. As long as you do not do dumb things and being displeasure and harm to others, be yourself and go for it. Instead of changing yourself to the point you are furthest from your authentic self in order to fit in to a circle, be yourself and you’ll find yourself in a new circle that fits you.
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hi i want to be your friend
I can be a friend, but i won’t dm first cause i can’t start a conversation.
It’ll pass
Looks like our education system failed you.
Things will get better sister.
Its about finding friends who can tolerate and accept you with your shortcomings even though i wouldn’t call you the one with shortcomings.
Aba sab jana eutai chij ma interested bhaye ani sab ko eutai jasto personality ni hunna ni. Robot bhaigo ni sab same bhayo bhane ta.
I hope you make wonderful friends in coming days who share your interest and attitude.
But also sometimes you can find people who aren’t exactly like you and still be great friends. Aba alli bolna sakchau bhane keep talking to people and keep making friends.
Existential crises
It is what it is.
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